Saturday, October 24, 2015

Zombies. Zelmer Pulp has Zombies! - By C S Dewildt

Wait, hasn’t Zelmer done zombies?

Yeah, they did, and it was superb. And although you can’t duplicate the magic of C’Mon Do the Apocalypse, you can in fact sequel it. And guess what; I’m in the sequel, and the good folks at Zelmer Pulp invited me to come by and blog about Zombies. So here it is, my blog post about zombies.

I decided to do a listicle because people seem to prefer those these days to actually reading a coherent article. Read into that whatever kind of relevant social commentary you like. Disclaimer: These are in no significant order, I use the term “zombie” loosely, and if you asked me on a different day you’d get a different list. Let’s go.

CS DeWildt’s Numbered List of All Things Zombie:

10. Creepshow 

Is this rotten patriarch a zombie? A co-worker of mine says no because this one can think, or at least is driven by a purpose beyond insatiable hunger for human brains and flesh. He also seems to possess supernatural powers which he uses to crush Ed Harris’s head. He might not be a zombie, but he really wants his cake. And vengeance. 

9. Commander USA’s Groovy Movie: The Children 

If this was a list of all things “horror”, the Commander’s USA Network original series would be number one. I first saw The Children on the Commander’s St. Paddy’s Day double feature. Again, are they Zombies? After their exposed to a radioactive gas cloud, the children become black finger-nailed desperate for human contact in the form of a radioactive hug. The children of The Children are goth kids having a core meltdown.

8. I Love Sarah Jane 

2008 short film from Hesher director Spencer Susser in which not even the zombie apocalypse can wipe out the middle class adolescent experience. I stumbled on this one a few years ago and
I recommend it often. It’s just good if you’ve ever pined for someone seemingly out of your reach, and you know, you just want to see some excellent zombie gore.

7. “She’s Not There” by The Zombies 

Or any Zombie’s tune I suppose, but I Love Sarah Jane has put me in the mood for this one in particular.

6. Return of the Living Dead 

First zombie movie I ever saw. I was nine or ten years old. It’s dated and actually pretty bad, but it’s still one of my favorites.

5. “Thunderkiss ’65” by White Zombie 

This riff still rocks my face in half, figuratively of course, not literally like the guy in the second clip.

4. Rick Grimes Dad Jokes 

One of the best things to spin off into the memeoverse. These kind of jokes are the proof that part of the appeal of parenting is torturing children. I was on the couch the other day and my kid wanted to sit down. He said, “Dad, can you move your feet?” and what do you think happened?

Dads know.

3. Zombie Ants 

Brain parasites, man. Brain parasites!

2. The Bath Salts Zombie Cannibal of 2012 

Remember this guy? Another one who couldn’t “face up” to his problems?

1. C’mon Do the Apocalypse 2 

Yep, shameless plug time. Zombie stories by me, Chuck Regan, Ryan Sayles, CT McNeely, Gareth Spark, Chris Leek, and Benoit Lelievre. Available for preorder. Come get some!

1 comment:

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